Title: Where Ivy Dares to Grow
Author: Marielle Thompson
Series: n/a
Self-centeredness: The Novel
Thank you to Marielle Thompson, Kensington, and NetGalley for allowing me to read a free ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I wanted to DNF it multiple times, but I pushed through until 95%. Then I just couldn’t take it anymore. Saoirse, the MC, is incredibly self-centered. My God. The entire novel is about how horribly treated she is and how miserable she is because of it. Life’s been just awful to her. Pages and pages of redundant woe-is-me inner monologue. And the only thing she does to make it less miserable is have an affair. Because that won’t complicate anything, never mind the time difference.
Let me lay it out for ya.
It’s 1994. Saoirse and her fiance, Jack Page, travel to Langdon Hall, the Page family country manor, to spend time with his father and dying mother, both of whom have never approved of Saoirse and have nothing but condescending insults to say to her. But she goes for Jack’s sake, even though their relationship has been withering on the vine for months. I believe Jack’s mother’s terminal diagnosis is given as the catalyst for the estrangement, but never is it explained why that caused Jack to pull away from Saoirse. Saoirse never asked. Speculated and accused in her mind, but never asked him. Never talked to him about it at all.
So Saoirse’s miserable at Langdon, feeling like an unwanted burden. Trying to stay out of the way, though she’s really just avoiding them, she wanders around the eerie house feeling watched and haunted and wondering if she’s going crazy again, which is another big part of her character that was never explained or clarified. It’s implied she suffers from depression, anxiety, and perhaps schizophrenia, but I don’t recall it saying she’s on any medication or participating in any therapy to help cope with these conditions. It’s treated like her mental illnesses are entirely dependent on her own willpower to stay un-crazy, willpower no one thinks she has. It infuriated me. But hey, 1994.
In her wanderings she finds the journal of Jack’s ancestor, Theo; apparently the semi-sentient house deliberately put the book in her path. The house then begins to transport her back in time to 1818 to meet said ancestor (Or does it? Is it all in her mind blah blah blah). The supernatural abilities of the house don’t surprise him and he’s hot and lonely, not to mention the only person who seems to welcome Saoirse’s presence (she’s more or less estranged from her own relatives as well, I can’t remember why, assuming an adequate explanation was given), so naturally she gravitates to him, wanting to go back more and more often to spend time with him.
They chat a bit and in short order begin having sex, both desperate for connection, and “fall in love” with each other despite the impossibility of their relationship. I didn’t feel their relationship was well developed at all; I have no idea why Theo loved her so much…..except for the fact that she was eager and came with no strings. A kicked puppy desperate for love and cuddles but that he didn’t have to bother feeding, training, or pottying. And she waxed poetic about how kind and gentle and sensitive he is, but truly she became addicted to his attention and lack of judgment. Their relationship existed in a little bubble free of responsibilities and commitment. He didn’t want to know anything about her time, and she never seemed curious about his, so maybe it was more a little bubble of ignorance. No wonder it was such bliss.
Finally the black moment and climax arrive: Jack’s mother dies, and it’s time to leave Langdon, which means leaving Theo. Saoirse panics and decides to try to stay with Theo, but turns out he’s sick and dying. There’s nothing else for her in 1818. Shit, she can’t just abandon her problems with Jack and go missing. So she breaks up with him. Just like that. The same day his mother died and he’s swamped with grief. Doesn’t wait until after his mother’s laid to rest. Doesn’t even wait until they’re back home in London.
And that’s where I quit. Because fuck. Her.
Saoirse was such a horrible character. I think the reader is supposed to be cheering for her to work up the balls to leave Jack, but I’m just confused and frustrated as to why she didn’t do it months, YEARS, ago. Why HE didn’t. I don’t find her situation sympathetic, because I don’t understand it. Jack’s side of the story is never explored. We didn’t see him treat her very well, and no, he never tried to talk to her about their problems either, but he was still with her, still sought her support, still wanted to marry her. Why? Were they both just sunk so deep in feeling obligated to each other, though they weren’t even married yet?
All Saoirse did was pine for how happy and in love they used to be and blame his parents for being assholes and turning him against her, and blamed him for becoming cold and distant. She was such a VICTIM and a COWARD. It drove me INSANE. She seemed to need a man to define her, needed a fantasy world free of consequences and responsibility to make her happy. It made me sick. It was mentioned that she was pursuing a Ph.d. in some obscure branch of archaeology, and I don’t buy it. I don’t believe someone so utterly lacking in self-confidence and dependent upon procrastination could have the strength and discipline to drive herself through that many years of post-secondary.
Hey, there we go. This novel could be a highly dramatized and overly detailed metaphor for procrastination. You can distract yourself with more pleasant things, but reality merely lies in wait.
At one point near the end Saoirse did contemplate that Theo and Jack weren’t her only options, SHE was one as well. Which sounds like she found inner strength to finally stand up for herself…..but it’s actually selfishness, considering it prompts her to go break up with Jack.
I’m so done with this book. Peace.
I agree with this review… I did finish it though.