Title: America’s Next Reality Star
Author: Laura Heffernan
Series: Reality Stars #1
Awkward…
I would like to thank Laura Heffernan, who requested my honest review of her work and kindly sent me a copy to read.
In quick succession, Jennifer Reid broke up with her long-term boyfriend, lost her job, and received an eviction notice. No better time to audition for a reality show, right? She had nothing to lose, and she needed the prize money to get her life in order. But to win, she’d have to outsmart, outrun, and outlast the other contestants. Could she rise above their attempts to undermine her determination with baiting insults…and a disarming pair of dimples…to be the last one standing?
I debated a couple of times if I wanted to actually finish this book. I got just about to the end…and then the scene in the rain. I said, out loud, “No. Just no.”
If this is the finished, published product, I shudder to think what the rough draft looked like. Did ANYONE try to edit this?
*Researches author* *Stares blankly at information on screen*
Ms. Heffernan is employed as a copyeditor and offers proofreading services along with a host of other writing services.
Well, that’s awkward. Because at one point when I was making notes, I thought I would insert a joke about sending a bill for editing services.
This book read like halfway decent fanfiction. It had its moments; there were very clever bits and quite a few original ideas. I admire and seriously respect that. But my god, there were so many mistakes, both in the mechanics and the narrative. I started to make notes of them, as I do with all the books I review, but I gave it up after the first couple of chapters took me the better part of a day to get through. It was exhausting; I couldn’t get through a page without seeing a typo or stumbling on something that was inconsistent or illogical. It certainly sucked the life out of the book and the fun out of reading it. After I began to force myself to ignore the mistakes, I was able to get a bit more invested in the story.
Now, I understand that some minor typos can be made during the process of formatting an ebook. I also understand humans are subject to folly, and I know this is a debut novel. But there are far, far too many mistakes to get away with those excuses.
It’s not possible for me to list all of the problems I had with the story, but I’ll try to hit the more relevant highlights.
To start, and this could just be how I personally perceived the tone and style, I got a strong sense that this is, purposefully, a Sophie Kinsella knockoff. First-person narrative—check. Light, self-deprecating sense of humor—check. The protagonist even had a low-level job in marketing. Classic Kinsella. If this was written to echo that style, it glanced off the edge of the target and shot out into oblivion. It lacked the emotional depth/heart and relatability of a Kinsella novel, and while there were moments of cleverness, it lacked an overall tone of maturity and intelligence.
Furthermore, this was no romance. It rather upsets me that this is branded and marketed as one. It’s really nasty of me to say, but did the team who put this book together have any idea what they were doing? Because seriously. This was Jen’s story, and Justin just happened to be shoe-horned into it. This was pure women’s fiction, specifically chick-lit. We only experienced the story through Jen’s eyes, never got in Justin’s head. Never knew what Justin was thinking. Barely got to know Justin at all. I felt no connection to him, I felt no attraction to him, and I had no respect for him. I honestly did not like him. We didn’t even see all that much of him.
What did I think of Jen and Justin’s relationship? What relationship? Oh, you mean the irrational fangirlish obsession she developed for him? It was painful to read. Or wait, you mean when they circled each other with mistrust and unfounded preconceptions mounting between them? Also painful to read. And then they’re suddenly in love and making grand romantic gestures in the rain! *pinches bridge of nose*
They had no chemistry. I would say they had nothing in common, either, but I don’t know enough about them to know if they had anything in common.
I liked Jen to begin with, mostly out of the benefit of the doubt. I liked that she didn’t want to be on the show for vain reasons, like wanting to become famous or show the world how beautiful she was. She primarily wanted the money, which I can’t blame her for, but she also really wanted to seize the opportunity to audition and do something exciting with her life. I respect that.
But as the book progressed, she seemed to get stupider, more immature, more gullible, and more naive. In my opinion, she did not change. If anything, she regressed. Didn’t have an arc so much as a downward slope. She didn’t grow as a person, didn’t get stronger in any way. She was petty, hypocritical, and contradictory. For example, in the beginning, maybe the first chapter, she wrote that she “chose a career in marketing because I like figuring out what the consumer wants and how to give it to them.” Then in chapter twelve, she says, “I need to appeal to America, too. That’s tough, because I don’t know what the viewers want or how to give it to them. I wish there were some way for the people watching to send me a clue.” How odd that someone who chose to go into marketing couldn’t figure out how to market herself.
There was also a part where she said she loved surprises, but when she discovered her long-term boyfriend was married, she didn’t even comment on the irony. Missed opportunity, that.
The other characters were a mixed bag. I liked Abram, and Birdie and Ed grew on me. The others were either bland because they were unimportant, cartoonish to create drama, or possibly just examples of tokenism. No one exceeded two dimensions.
The plot was probably the only thing this book had going for itself. I can’t recall coming across any other books that put the characters in a reality show. I’m sure similar books are out there, but it was a fresh idea to me, and that was the main reason I wanted to check it out. (Even though I absolutely loathe reality shows.) So for the most part, the plot worked for me. I’d be interested to learn how much of the behind-the-scenes is based on fact and how much was made up.
A few more points on the writing. I was neither here nor there on the sound-bite things that started the chapters. I know what they were going for, thinking it was a cute, clever way to convey information and other points-of-view without having to actually incorporate it into the narrative, but some would call that lazy storytelling. I didn’t think they were all that necessary, but they didn’t particularly bother me. Except the contract ones. Those were freaking ridiculous. Who in their right mind would sign off on that?
Also, the beginning of the story, before the show started, was a bit unfocused. There were bits here and there that didn’t seem relevant to the story whatsoever and should have been cut. Scenes like when Jen had trouble on the stairs going to the interview. And I never understood the point of the romantic overnight getaway. Maybe to make Dominic look shady? I didn’t need it; I saw his infidelity coming from a mile away.
As for the mechanics I’m whining about, it was largely obvious typos (the “stop” of the stairs, always “on to” and never “onto,” random commas, missing words, words typed twice) as well as things that interrupted the flow of the narrative, like misplaced modifiers, the rare incorrect verb tense, sentences and paragraphs that would have made more sense if rearranged, and flaws in logic or ridiculous quips I simply could not swallow. Like, who goes into a job interview and jokes, deadpan, about being an assassin? Even if it’s clearly untrue, it’s not very professional.
Overall, the premise was intriguing, but the execution was a hot mess.
